Demons! GAH!

SO, summer for me has started and I plan on continuing a bad-ass tradition that was started last year. For the entire summer I will be watching old slasher films and Italian horror and stuff which is a pretty good summer, better than having job. SO, as a start to this bitching summer tradition I watched Demons a 1985 Italian horror film by Lamberto Bava, Mario Bava's son, the film was also presented by Dario Argento who is a pretty big name in this genre. Turns out Lamberto is Argento's protege and with his help made this bat-shit insane motion picture. "Demons" being bat-shit insane wasn't actually a big surprise, italian horror is known for its hilarious dubbing insane plot twists and crazier premises, it was also from the 80s where italian horror films payed even less attention to their plotlines and much more to their shocking gore and out of place foot fetish scenes.

They call him "Silver Toes"

There were no foot fetish scenes that took place in sketchy restaurant establishments ( Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper") but there were some pretty wicked mutilations and a poor man's Jensen Ackles.

  " I don't know how to explain it,

                        but it's the movie that's making this happen!"

                                                                         

SO, some chick gets two tickets from a poor man's phantom of the opera in the metro in West Berlin. She takes her friend to this sketch-as-fuck cinema that no one has ever heard of before, in there is a collection of crazy characters: some blind guy, poor man's Jensen Ackles and friend, Tony the Pimp, "Whores...you can tell them a mile away!" Frank and many many more. Also an employee at the theatre who seems to totally be evil and masterminding all the shenanigans that go down but ends up being as innocent as everyone else and is ganked...by demons. SO, one of Tony the Pimp(who totally looks like a mix between Ving Rhames and Billy Dee Williams complete with handlebar moustache and chops!)'s hookers sees this display in the lobby of the theatre of a mannequin riding a dirt bike wielding a katana and holding a sketch ass mask. She puts the mask on and cuts herself. OKAY SO THEY'RE ALL IN THE THEATRE! watching this film where a bunch of kids go to Nostradamus' tomb (WTF?) open his tomb and find a demon mask much like the one Rosmarie the ho put on (WTF?) one of the kids puts that shit on as well and gets cut. SO, Rosmarie goes to the bathroom and much like in the film her face explodes with puss and she becomes a demon, thus begins a night of horror where possesions spread through bites and sctratches.

                       "They won't get me,

                                               that's for sure."

Well, they did get Tony the Pimp and everyone else except the Jensen Ackles impersonator and the chick from the start who in some post credit ridiculousnessess becomes a Demon after the viewer has found out that civilization is gone and overrun by the demon virus and the two get picked up by survivors with an unreasonable amount of guns.

                                       

                                               Left to right: poor man's Ackles and Rosmarie

Thus ending a hilarious night of... ENCOUNTERS with thugs who spill COCAINE all over their car and one of them awkwardly collects some off of the BREAST of one of their female members with a RAZOR blade before cutting her, random helicopter CRASHING through the roof of the building, SHOW DOWN with poor man's phantom of the opera, and ACKLES impersonator on a dirtbike with KATANA vs. everyone else's posessed self.

SO, next up: my body horror film, the room and maybe a tie!